I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
