Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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