You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
bring money and cleavage
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
