omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
