I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
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