dude i'm inner monologue high
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
