I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
