I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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