you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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