chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
