i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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