Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
