she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
