Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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