I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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