Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I am midnight drunk by noon
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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