i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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