Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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