I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
