If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
