Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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