he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
