That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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