can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
