all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
