wakey wakey hands off snakey
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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