Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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