i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
