you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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