The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
