I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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