He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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