I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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