So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
