There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
