My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize