His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
