In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
