i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You took a bar mat shot.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
