so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
