also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
