Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm having to shit out rocks
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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