Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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