I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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