I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
