I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
