Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
