IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
