We're facebook friends in real life
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
