When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
