Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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