I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
