Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
