quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize