Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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