She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
do nipples grow back?
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