Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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