So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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