I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
