I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
