Your face is a jimmy john
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
