there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
