It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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