SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
