Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize