it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you didnt know i had herpes?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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