I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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