If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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