My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
